


The Great Yuletide Gay Panic of 1975

by uponasoapbox



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:20:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,638
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21654421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uponasoapbox/pseuds/uponasoapbox
Summary: The tropetastic Christmas of 1975, complete with James's convoluted plans, Sirius's confirmed bachelor status, Lily's maraudering tendencies, Remus's excellent observational skills, and Peter's thwarted attempts at a good night's sleep.
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 1
Kudos: 20





	The Great Yuletide Gay Panic of 1975

“Come on, Padfoot, it’s the Yule Ball. You have to ask someone,” James whined, plodding a few steps behind Sirius as they headed to the Great Hall for breakfast to join the other two Marauders. 

The hall was abuzz with typical chatter and mealtime noises, all the more cheerful because it was Friday, with most of the student body down for breakfast already. A few stragglers, the latest sleepers and the longest primpers, entered in with James and Sirius. 

“Oh. Well now that you’ve repeated it, I guess you’re right. I mean, the first seventy-two rounds of your rambling on, I didn’t really get it. But seventy-three? You’ve got me now, mate,” Sirius replied, setting down his bookbag and taking his seat at the Gryffindor table with a decisive sort of carelessness he probably practiced in the mirror. “Piss off.” 

“Well good morning to you too, starshine,” Remus chimed in from Sirius’s right. “Nice of you to join us.” Remus gave Sirius a small smile, which he returned. 

James sat with Peter across from the pair, sticking his tongue out petulantly and swiping a piece of toast off Peter’s plate. 

Peter sighed and grabbed another slice off the serving rack. “What are we on about now, lads? The usual?”

“The usual,” James replied glumly, before he spotted Lily a few seats down. He waved energetically, face lit up in a grin. 

In response Lily simply rolled her eyes, but there seemed to be a soft smile playing at her lips. 

“You know James, it is the definition of insanity to repeat the same procedure and expect different results,” Remus said, handing Sirius a mug of coffee. 

Sirius nudged Remus with his elbow in thanks, blowing at the steam rising from the cup. 

“Padfoot says he doesn’t want to bring a date, and it’s not as if you’re ever going to convince Lily to go with you,” Remus continued. “I say it’s going to be rubbish anyway, and Peter’s got no dress robes, so we really should just ditch.”

“Or we could go stag,” Peter added hesitantly.

James grinned and put on his snootiest possible voice. “Shame on you, Wormtail, you know only I can go stag, and that’s only on special occasions. And nobody’s ditching!” 

Remus rolled his eyes, and Sirius groaned loudly, flopping dramatically onto Remus’s lap. “Oh Moony, just hex my ears off, will you? I can’t take it anymore.”

“I’d rather not. You and I know it would be humanitarian work, but it would probably be seen as an abuse of my prefect powers. My sincerest apologies.” Remus placed a hand delicately on Sirius’s shoulder before continuing. “As for you James Potter, I thought the Yule Ball was a special occasion. Also you forgot your tie.” 

James glanced down at his rumpled robes, patting his sternum as if willing the offending article to appear. “That’s beside the point. The Yule Ball isn’t a special occasion, it’s a Special Occasion,” he said, waggling his eyebrows in an attempt to communicate capitalization. “It’s so very very Special that I am going to ask Annabelle Callaway from Ravenclaw, because Marlene told me Evans is jealous of her hair and her marks on that last Herbology essay, and that jealousy will be magnified by seeing Annabelle with me, the love of fair Evans’s life, and she will have to admit her feelings for me, and we will be together at last. It’s so Special that I’ve already gone and looked up a few clothing charms we can use on some of Peter’s school robes to make him into the belle of the ball. It’s so Special that they’re going to be serving those petit fours you like, and you do not have the will to resist them, even if you’re trying to prove a point. It’s so Special,” by this point James’s voice had taken on a considerable volume and a somewhat concerning edge, “that Sirius, who knows he could have his choice of any of the girls here, particularly the kind of girls that his mum would hate, will. Bring. A. Date.” James’s chest was heaving.

Peter stared dumbly at James, a forkful of egg and potato forgotten halfway between his plate and his mouth. “Merlin’s beard, James. We get it.”

Remus simply checked his watch, nonplussed. “If you’re quite finished, James, we should head to Transfigurations. Up you go, Sirius. Get off my legs.” 

Sirius had been idly munching on a muffin from his reclined position on Remus’s lap for the entirety of James’s speech. He finished his last bite and rolled off the prefect, lazily standing up. “You’re so dramatic, Prongs. Honestly.”

Just as James opened his mouth to reply, Remus tossed a Gryffindor tie at him, hitting him in the face. “Come on, you two.” 

James sputtered a bit, standing. “Where’d you even pull this out of?”

“Magic,” Remus replied lightly, causing Sirius a small chuckle, James a large sigh, and Peter a medium-sized shrug as the group headed off to the South Tower.

+++

Sirius brooded silently throughout Transfigurations, brow furrowed as he vanished the stack of buttons on the desk he shared with Remus. James had foregone his usual place at Sirius’s side to sit across the room with Marlene McKinnon, probably trying to pump the girl for more information on Lily before the ball. Sirius couldn’t make out their exact conversation, but poor Marlene appeared rather displeased with it, leaning as far away from her tablemate as was possible without falling out of her chair. James was gesturing wildly, his own pile of buttons completely untouched. Sirius made a mental note to apologize to Marlene on James’s behalf after class.

Lily herself was sitting two desks in front of Sirius, next to Florence Hess. Lily was fastidiously vanishing her buttons while also slyly working on a few of Florence’s when she had trouble. 

Peter was sat at the table just behind Remus and Sirius making idle conversation with a Hufflepuff boy about the taste differences between magical and muggle cooking. 

“Well, I’d agree with you, but there’s something about magically ripened fruits that loses the tartness in things, apples especially,” the Hufflepuff, whose name might have been Michael, was saying. 

“Oh, who cares about those sort of details? Add some outside acidity if it bothers you. The convenience is what really matters,” Peter replied in a rather professional, un-Peter-like fashion. Peter was only decisive when it came to cooking. 

It wasn’t really that Sirius was so opposed to the idea of bringing a date to the ball, or even to the idea of dating as a whole. It was a lot of things. 

“Hello? Earth to Sirius, I was trying to ask you a question,” Remus’s voice called, pulling Sirius out of his musings. 

Sirius shook his head as if to clear it, a decidedly canine maneuver, before he turned to face Remus, whose hazel eyes held equal parts bemusement and concern. “Don’t you mean moon to Sirius?” Sirius said with a wry grin. 

Remus pursed his lips. “You’ve used that one already. Try for something more creative, hm? Anyway, I was just asking if you wanted me to tell James to lay off about the Ball. He seems to have gotten you sort of preoccupied.” 

“How do you mean?”

Remus looked pointedly at the buttons on Sirius’s desk, several of which had only been half-vanished. “That’s quite a shoddy job, that. And rather unlike you.”

Sirius sighed, running a hand through his hair, which, he noted idly, had finally grown past his shoulders. “Hey, I still vanished more than you.”

Remus simply raised his eyebrows. 

“No, you don’t have to talk to James, it would only rile him up more. Thank you though,” Sirius said before he properly vanished the button remnants, biting his lip. 

“Of course.” Remus seemed partially satisfied, but he still didn’t shift his gaze from Sirius. After a few moments, he gently grasped Sirius’s forearm, pulling the younger boy’s attention back to him. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Before Sirius could reply, McGonagall swept by. “Focus, Lupin, Black. I expect all of these gone.”

Remus quickly released Sirius’s arm and turned back to his desk. “Yes, Professor,” he mumbled.

Professor McGonagall raised her eyebrows. “Well, gentlemen?”

“Evanesco,” Sirius and Remus intoned, practically in unison, and their buttons disappeared neatly. 

She nodded, seemingly satisfied, but fixed the pair with a stern look before walking away. “Pettigrew! Is that truly your best effort? Your wrist is sloppy. And Jones, with a little feeling, if you please. We do not mumble.”

Sirius and Remus snickered as Peter scrambled, knocking a few buttons to the floor, their conversation forgotten for the time being. 

The rest of the day passed as usual, with a dull lecture from Slughorn on responsible uses for Strengthening Solution and an even duller lecture from Binns about the common ancestry of Merfolk and Veelas. 

It wasn’t until after dinner when the Marauders had gathered back in the Gryffindor common room that Sirius even remembered what he’d been so put out about in the morning. James and Peter were playing chess near the fireplace and had gathered a small audience, including Lily, who had agreed to play the winner. On the couch across from the action, Sirius was thumbing through the latest issue of Quidditch Quarterly, his head resting in Remus’s lap. Remus combed his hand through Sirius’s hair absentmindedly as he charmed some spare parchment to change colors. 

Sirius took a deep breath, reveling in the luxury of a quiet moment. The semester thus far had been absolutely tumultuous, beginning with Sirius being disowned and moving in with the Potters. School had a rocky start, Sirius still unsure how to act around Remus in the aftermath of the Incident with Snape- for a while, it had felt as though Sirius had lost Remus’s friendship forever. When Sirius had apologized properly, fully, and Remus had finally come round, James had started in on the Quidditch season with a vengeance, and Sirius hardly had any time to spend with Remus. Now, with two victories under their belt (an easy win over Hufflepuff and a brutal match with Slytherin) and practices over for the fall term, it seemed things were finally reaching a balance again. There was, of course, the underlying panic of exams and the Yule Ball, but Hogwarts wasn’t Hogwarts without a little chaos, anyway. 

Sirius smiled to himself, leaning his head into Remus’s hand ever so slightly. Glancing back down at his magazine, Sirius decided he really didn’t care all that much about the matchup between Ireland and France’s beaters and gave up trying to read. 

“Hey, Remus?” 

“Hm?” Remus tugged lightly on a strand of Sirius’s hair. 

“Why is it you don’t want to go to the Yule Ball?”

“Oh, so you do want to talk about it.” Remus cleared his throat slightly, scanning the common room for eavesdroppers. Looking satisfied that James and Peter combined with the group of first years playing exploding snap were making enough noise to cover any conversation, he set his wand down on the coffee table in front of the couch. “It’s nothing dramatic. I’m just not one for dancing, really. And, you know, it’s not as though I’m allowed to bring my first choice of date anyhow.” He pulled at one of his sleeves, tugging the cuff of his sweater over a fading but still prominent scar on his forearm. 

Sirius nodded. Remus had come out to the Marauders third year. After finding out he was a werewolf, bisexuality was a decidedly less exciting revelation. Remus had never gone out of the way to hide his sexuality, not really, but he preferred a modicum of discretion at all times. Same-sex dates at the ball had not been expressly forbidden, but the pre-ball etiquette classes telling the boys how to “properly escort a lady” made it fairly clear that the omission was one of ignorance rather than acceptance. Any same-sex couples would be attracting a lot of attention and, no doubt, some nasty remarks from the more conservative individuals of the school. 

“You could still bring a girl, though. Right? Isn’t it you who said you had all the options in the world?” Sirius asked, pushing himself up to a sitting position so he could face Remus directly. 

Rolling his eyes, Remus replied, “That was a joke I made one time to get Peter off my back, and you know it. Yes, I could bring a girl, but the only one I really think would like to go with me is Mary, and I don’t want to be giving her the wrong idea. Remember that one time I bought her a butterbeer? She acted like I’d given her a diamond necklace- a dance escort would probably equate to a marriage proposal. Plus I look like a prat if I go and assume she’s got the wrong idea and try to correct her. There’s no winning.” Remus paused for a moment as the chess playing corner of the common room erupted in noise, reacting to some dramatic development in Peter and James’s game. “I told you I tend to prefer guys anyway,” Remus finished, his tone matter-of-fact. 

“Logical as always, Moons,” Sirius smirked. Remus bowed his head in acknowledgment.

“You know, it’s pretty bold of you, telling me I could ask a girl to the ball, when that’s just what James has been doing to make you bite his head off.” 

“Well, James’s head could probably do with a bite taken out of it, in the interest of honesty.” Sirius crossed his arms. 

“Oh come on now, Sirius. Don’t you get snobby on me.”

“‘M not,” Sirius whined, covering his face in his hands. 

“Hey,” Remus murmured, placing his hand on Sirius’s knee and giving it a comforting squeeze. “It’s alright.”

Sirius rather wanted at that moment to melt away into nothing, or maybe crawl inside Remus’s chest and hide, but he didn’t know how to express this, so he settled for scooting over till his shoulder brushed Remus’s and letting his head fall onto Remus’s shoulder.

Remus gently wrapped his arm around Sirius’s waist, shaking him lightly. “It’s alright, Padfoot.”

“I don’t want to ask a girl to the Yule Ball.”

“I know. You don’t have to.”

“Aren’t you going to ask me why?”

“Well, I figured you were going to tell me whether I asked or not.”

That pulled a small chuckle out of Sirius, as Remus had hoped it might. “I always knew I was going to have an arranged marriage, even when I was little.” 

Remus nodded, looking unfazed. Many of the purebloods at Hogwarts were already unofficially engaged. 

“Just part of being a Black, very sacred twenty-eight, and whatever. My parents are second cousins, you know. I was half certain they were going to pair me off with Bellatrix.” 

“That’s disgusting.” Remus wrinkled his nose in distaste. 

“That’s the Noble and Most Ancient House of Black. Anyway, Reg and I were told we were never supposed to date. Fraternizing with any pureblood girls, we ran the risk of offending the families if things didn’t work out or if my charming parents ended up picking someone else for us. Remember when Narcissa and Nott were together, and they had that row?” 

Everyone remembered that row. It had made the Prophet. 

“Nott’s father hired somebody to wreck the Black estate, right?” 

“Right. You should’ve seen my dear Uncle Cygnus, he was absolutely murderous. Aunt Druella almost enjoyed it, I think. Got to practice fainting in fear with photographers present and all,” Sirius joked, but his voice was tight. 

“So no pureblood girls for you then. And the rest of them would have been a disgrace on the family, I imagine?” Remus asked lightly. 

“Got it in one,” Sirius chuckled. 

“That’s a bit surprising though, Sirius. You’re always so happy to shove your family’s rules to the side, especially y’know, after,” he trailed off. “Hell, even Regulus has been running around with that Greengrass girl, right? I imagine you’d like to date a muggleborn girl just to rub it in their faces. All the girls think you’re very charming, you know, it’d be easy. ”

Sirius shrugged, jostling Remus’s shoulder in the process. “Yeah, looks like Reg has a bit of rebellion in him at last.” He paused to blow a strand of hair out of his face. “I dunno. Seems awful to use a girl like that. Maybe this is just the one thing Walburga managed to get through to me. I mean, I disagree with her reasoning, but not so much with the rule, actually. Look at James always making a fool of himself in front of Evans. Count me out of that. Plus, any girl I was with would eventually buckle under insecurity knowing that my hair is prettier than hers.” Sirius made a satisfied “hmph” noise, indicating he was quite finished speaking on the subject. 

Remus paused momentarily, realizing Sirius actually did consider this reasoning a valid argument. “And your cheekbones sharper, and your skin softer?” Remus asked, tickling Sirius’s ribs. “You positively pompous, prettyboy pureblood prat?”

Sirius shrieked in laughter. “No! Remus, s-st-stop it, you conniving b-beast!” he shouted, grabbing at Remus’s hands. 

Remus deftly avoided Sirius’s attacks, laughing, “I’ll stop when you admit, Sirius White, that you don’t want a date to the ball because you’re too afraid you won’t be fairest in the land, hm?” Remus lunged at Sirius’s stomach again, knocking him off balance. Sirius grabbed onto Remus’s shoulders to try and steady himself but succeeded only in dragging the prefect down with him, the pair tumbling off the couch into an undignified heap. 

Before either boy could even react, James’s voice came from across the common room. “Oi! You two! No roughhousing in the common room,” he roared. Then came the sound of heavy footsteps just before James tackled the pair, joining the pile. 

“Oof, getoff me, Potter, you great-” Remus’s voice was cut off as Peter chimed in.

“Hey, don’t forget about me!” Peter then flopped on top of James. The other three boys groaned, but quickly all protests dissolved into giggles.

+++

Later that night, as the other boys were going to sleep, Remus pulled out his journal. He didn’t write in it every day- mostly he used it to record his symptoms and injuries around the full moons, at the recommendation of both his parents and the healers at St. Mungo’s. But the journal was also for keeping track of important days and big developments. Remus’s first kiss, finding out his roommates were unregistered animagi, results on big exams, that sort of thing. And today.

 _Today,_ Remus wrote, _I found out that Sirius Black is gay. Will update when Sirius Black finds out that he is gay. 03/12/74_

Remus had never been much for listening to gaydar, really. He had enough secrets to know that most people preferred theirs kept, so Remus in general attempted to act as if nobody had any sexual or romantic orientation at all until evidence presented itself, preferably in the form of verbal confirmation.

Sirius had been difficult to read, even from the beginning, and for a while Remus legitimately thought he was simply too self-involved to have romantic interests. That proved false, of course- Sirius did sporadically have an extraordinary capacity for empathy (particularly when it came to things like finding out your best friend is a werewolf), and his self-centeredness stemmed mostly from cluelessness rather than malice. Sirius was charming, certainly, but in a devil-may-care sort of way that made it clear he never aimed to impress anyone in particular.

But today? Today had been a significant revelation. Remus had never heard such a bizarrely pseudological explanation for complete disinterest in women. This, of course, didn’t necessarily prove Sirius held any affection for men, but after knowing Sirius for six years, Remus felt fairly confident in his guess. 

He’d been keeping note of small signs for years: the obsession with David Bowie, the camaraderie with Marlene McKinnon (confirmed lesbian, she’d come out to Remus last year after a disastrous New Year’s kiss), the faint blush across Sirius’s cheeks whenever Xavier Boot, the dashing Ravenclaw Quidditch captain, walked by. Really those alone could have been enough to go off of, but Remus had worried wishful thinking would cloud his judgment. He’d been harboring a crush on Sirius since they first met; Sirius being gay just seemed too convenient, so Remus had largely ignored any signs, mostly out of self-preservation, though if you asked, he’d probably say it was out of respect for Sirius’s privacy. Regardless, Remus was used to hiding his feelings, and after all, this was just a crush, so it had been no trouble at all to just carry on ignoring it. If Remus felt a twinge of guilt when he attempted dating, well, Frederick McLaggen and Julianna Damji didn’t need to know that. 

Part of Remus wanted to run up to Sirius and try to confirm, but that felt like an overly rash course of action and a violation of trust with too many possibilities for negative outcomes. 

Yes, Sirius Black was gay, and it felt like right now, Remus Lupin might the only person in the world who knew. But that was alright. Remus knew how to keep a secret. 

Remus shut the journal and tucked it back into the bottom of his trunk.

+++

Sirius woke to the sound of his roommates arguing, which was nothing out of the ordinary. He squinted at the curtains of his bed, wondering if he could kill this particular topic of conversation from sheer force of will.

“I mean, James have you ever thought about how Annabelle feels about this? Having her as a date with the singular purpose of getting a different date?” Remus’s voice drifted in. 

“She’ll get over it,” came James’s tentative reply. 

Sirius chose this moment to open the curtains of his four poster and chime in. “This is all assuming Annabelle Callaway has the slightest interest in being dear Prongsy’s date.”

Remus and James both jolted in surprise from where they were seated on Remus’s bed. Remus was wearing one of his typical jumpers and a pair of light-wash jeans, while James was still pajama-clad. 

“And since everyone in this bloody school knows James really couldn’t give a shit about any girl other than Lily,” Sirius continued, “she’ll know you’re scheming, and she absolutely won’t go with you. I mean, Lily hasn’t even had the chance to reject your proposal this month. You haven’t got a chance.”

Peter, who until now had been presumed asleep, groaned and flung his curtains open. “Will you lot just shut up? It’s Saturday, I want to sleep in.” He glared at all three boys before decisively closing his curtains again. 

“Sorry, Pete,” Remus called, not sounding particularly sorry. 

Peter stuck a hand out to flip the group off but gave no verbal reply. 

James, ignoring this interaction, threw a wadded up sock at Sirius’s head, but it missed by a few inches, to Sirius’s delight and James’s dismay. “You know, Pads, I’ve really had enough of your negative energy. Why do none of you support me?”

“James Fleamont Potter, you idiot, we do support you. I support your personal betterment, and also my own, and for both of our sakes you need to quit it with this scheme. Your talents can be better used elsewhere,” Remus pled. 

“Yeah, Moony’s right, this is some second-year convoluted nonsense. You can sort out something much better,” Sirius added, tossing the sock back at James, hitting him squarely in the face, knocking his glasses askew. 

James huffed in annoyance. “You know, this criticism isn’t very constructive. The least you could do is help me come up with this elusive better scheme. I told you already, this is too much negative energy. I’ve got to shower now and get your bad vibes off me.” And with that, James stormed off to the bathroom. 

“Wonderful,” said Peter, who had clearly been unsuccessful in falling back asleep. His voice was muffled, probably from speaking into a pillow. “Now if you two wouldn’t mind vacating the dorm of your sleep-disturbing ‘bad vibes,’ I’d be ever so grateful.”

“Yeah, yeah Pete, we’re going,” Remus replied. Looking at Sirius, he quirked a brow. “Breakfast?”

“Breakfast. Half a mo’, let me just get dressed. Have you seen my-” 

“Here.” Remus tossed him a pair of jeans and a burgundy flannel. “You really should keep better track of your laundry.” He turned away as Sirius began to change, although it wasn’t as if Sirius had ever pretended to value modesty much. 

“Ah, but why would I do that when I have you, dear Moony? Don’t know what I’d do without you. Something drastic.” Sirius was reminded, uncomfortably, that he very nearly had been without Remus just because of his own impulsivity. 

“Oh, it’d be tragic, I’m sure,” Remus responded, voice soft. 

Hearing the smile in Remus’s voice, Sirius allowed himself to relax a little. 

“Please leave!” Peter whined.

“We’re gone, Wormtail, geez!” And with that, Sirius dashed out the door, boots untied and hair pulled back in a bun held in place with his wand. “Come on, Lupin.”

Sirius could just pick out the sound of Remus’s quiet laugh as he followed after. 

Alone at last, Peter Pettigrew heaved a sigh of equal parts relief and triumph.

+++

Sirius grabbed Remus’s wrist as they made their way down the stairs, Sirius clomping noisily and Remus treading more delicately.

“Should we go to the kitchens? Great Hall’s always so noisy,” Sirius asked as they passed through the common room, which was empty save for a few early risers lounging around the fire.

“Eh, but not at nine on Saturday morning. And I had wanted to speak to Lily about-“ Remus stopped to push open the Fat Lady’s portrait. 

“Boring prefecty things?”

“Ancient runes, actually.”

“Have it your way, then. That actually gives me an idea,” Sirius mused, cocking his head to the side. 

“Dangerous. What sort of idea?” Remus asked warily.

“One you’ll like,” Sirius replied, squeezing Remus’s wrist gently before striding off to the Great Hall. Remus knew he wouldn’t get an answer more specific than that and resigned himself to being tugged along. 

As expected, Lily was already at the Gryffindor table when Sirius and Remus arrived. She was sitting alone, perusing a newspaper and drinking a cup of tea, a stack of textbooks beside her. 

“Good morning, Lily,” Remus said cheerily, sitting on the girl’s right. 

Sirius slid into the seat across from them. “Wotcher, Evans.”

Lily set her newspaper down. “Morning, Remus. Black. What are you up to at this hour? Nothing good, I presume.” Her tone was fond. 

Despite Lily’s rocky relationship with James, she and Sirius had always gotten on rather well. They had a quiet mutual understanding borne out of their similarly tumultuous sibling dynamics and love of Freddie Mercury. 

“Well, Sirius is always up to something, but I’m not sure what it is just now. And I won’t be held responsible for it. I had just wanted to ask you about this week’s reading for Ancient Runes, actually,” Remus said. “May I?” He gestured at her textbook. 

Lily nodded before turning to face Sirius. “Come on Black, at least give me an inkling? Helps me with damage control afterwards if I have some idea what happened.” Her eyes twinkled.

Sirius looked away, feigning innocence. “It’s really like the two of you have no faith in me at all. Patience, dear Lilyblossom and Lupinbell. All in due time.”

Both Lily and Remus stared at Sirius, decidedly unimpressed, before they turned to look at the page Remus had opened Lily’s textbook to. 

“Oh, I thought that passage was bizarre, too,” Lily said. “But if you look in the appendix and the book they’ve cited, here,” she pointed. 

“Tried to check that one out, but somebody seemed to have snatched the only copy.” 

“You should’ve been quicker.” Lily pulled out a second, larger textbook from her stack. “So, in the footnotes here, it mentions that the hatch mark system was coming into fashion just as Hadrian wrote the codex, which I personally think means Hadrian’s codex isn’t really antiquity, but even so-”

“It accounts for the inconsistencies between sections. Not a change in denotation at all, just an indicator-“

“Of the popularity of the discipline, exactly.”

“Merlin’s bloody bathrobe, Lily, I’m glad I checked with you before I wrote any more. Half my essay would have been completely off.”

“No need to thank me,” Lily smiled. “Wait, actually, you could thank me by not telling Annabelle Callaway about this book, particularly not that I have it.” Her eyes darted over to the Ravenclaw table.

Sirius, who had up until this point been quietly eating his breakfast, giving off the air that there was nothing he’d care to discuss less than ancient runes, leaned in a little. “Now, why would you say something like that, Evans? You’re usually such a bleeding heart.”

Lily shifted uncomfortably, tugging at a strand of red hair that had fallen into her eyes. “Yes, well, suffice it to say Callaway is a different story.”

Sirius kicked Remus’s foot under the table. 

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Remus asked, kicking back. 

“Yeah, I always thought she was sweet,” Sirius added, smiling down at his hands. 

Lily glanced over at the Ravenclaw table again, where the girl in question was just arriving, sitting down with several seventh-years. 

While Lily’s attention was focused elsewhere, Remus looked at Sirius, eyebrows raised. “Is this your idea?” he mouthed. 

Sirius winked. “Go with it,” he mimed back. 

Lily shook her head slightly, looking back at Sirius. “Sorry, what did you say?”

“I said I thought Annabelle Callaway was sweet.”

“Right. Well you would think that, she’s always flirting with you.”

Remus tensed slightly. 

Sirius looked sheepish. “Is she? I hadn’t really noticed.” 

Lily rolled her eyes. “That’s what you always say. Believe me or don’t, but she certainly never tells me I ‘look especially dashing in red and gold’ or say that I ‘have the nicest wand’ or that I’m ‘just stunning with my wristwork’ or whatever it is she’s always whispering to you in Charms.”

Remus snorted in laughter, earning him a glare from Sirius. “Lils, are you jealous she’s not lavishing you in innuendo compliments? She doesn’t flirt with me, and I still think she’s alright.”

“Yes, well if you must know, I think she’s been cheating on her assignments, but I don’t have enough evidence to present anything to Professor Babbling yet, and I don’t want to confront her now and have her start saying nasty things about me, so I thought if she tanks on this paper it might make Professor Babbling want to watch her a little more closely.”

Sirius blinked. “That’s some second-year convoluted nonsense, right there. Must be catching.”

“Oh come on. I thought you of all people would understand the long game. Remus?” Lily turned to Remus with a pleading look. 

Remus, unaffected, shook his head. “I’m inclined to agree with Sirius, actually. Either you have reason to believe she’s cheating or you don’t. And if you do have reason, you can talk to Professor McGonagall or Babbling about it now. If you can’t do that, it really seems like you just have a personal vendetta, which frankly you should know better than to let veer into academic dishonesty.”

“I do know better, thank you. Can’t it be both?” Lily huffed.

“Well you can’t expect us to leave it alone, now can you? This is getting juicy.” In a flash, Sirius grabbed Lily’s textbooks, slamming them down on the bench beside him with a thud. “Spill, Evans.”

“You’re a menace, Black. Give me those back.” She looked pleadingly at Remus, who merely shrugged. 

“I can’t pretend I’m not intrigued, Lily.”

Lily groaned. “Motherfucker. Fine.” 

Remus laughed as Sirius whooped in victory. 

Lily pinched the bridge of her nose. “So, earlier this year, when Sprout was handing back our essays on poisonous plants, do you remember how she went on and on about how lovely Annabelle’s paper was, and what a splendid healer she would make or whatever the hell else?”

Sirius and Remus made vague sounds of assent. It seemed James might have had good information on what date would most irk Lily, after all. 

“Well, I was a bit put out over it, because I’d really slaved over that paper and only got an Exceeds Expectations, and you know I actually want to be a healer, and Annabelle had said she wanted to drop Herbology so she could focus more on Divination, of all things.”

“Well, what’s wrong with Divination, Lily? I thought you said you would have liked to have taken it if it weren’t for Care of Magical Creatures?” Remus prompted.

Lily fiddled with the corner of her newspaper. “Yes, well I can find it interesting without thinking it’s as academically rigorous as Herbology, right? I mean, everyone knows Divs is an easy O, even if the actual discipline is much more delicate.” She paused for a moment, taking a long drag of her tea. “So, like I said, I was a bit put out about dear Annabelle scoring such high marks when she doesn’t seem to like Herbology at all, so I decided to do some digging, sort of off the record, as it were.” She glanced back up, eyes flitting between Remus and Sirius.

Remus’s eyes widened, while Sirius leaned back a little, looking smug. Noticing this, Lily dropped her head down, burying her face her arms, slumped over on the table. 

“So, I might’ve,” her voice was muffled, but still intelligible, “you know, taken advantage of the following Hogsmeade weekend to get her absolutely pissed.” Lily raised her head a bit here, resting her chin on her hand, “and then I prodded her about how she gets such high marks, and it turns out she actually has a genuine knack for Herbology, which is beyond irritating, really, and I was going to give up then, but then she let it slip that she’s absolute pants at Ancient Runes and only took it because it’s her mum’s speciality. But once Annabelle realized how hard the class was, she starting writing to her mum for help, which eventually became her just sending her assignments home and then getting them mailed back completed the day they’re due, just as the Daily Prophet comes in. And if that wasn’t enough, she told me she wanted to take Divs so she could swindle Muggles out of money posing as a fortune teller ‘as a fallback career.’

“And then of course I really thought I’d gotten everything out of her, but then she went on about how tiresome and annoying she thinks I am and how she was certain Potter is going to ask her to the Yule Ball, which will lose me ‘the only interesting thing I have going for me,’” Lily finished, speaking this last bit very quickly.

Remus furrowed his brow.

Sirius looked at Lily in wonder before roaring in laughter, head thrown back. “Evans, I didn’t know you had it in you,” he said with some admiration, wiping his eyes. 

Lily gave a helpless smile. “Neither did I,” she giggled. 

“Hold on a moment,” Remus said, holding a finger up. “I’ll believe that Callaway’s a sloppy, overly chatty drunk. But I still can’t see her telling all of this to you, particularly if she finds you so tiresome and annoying.”

The laughter stilled. Sirius looked at Lily curiously. Lily very much looked as though she was trying to disappear, Hogwarts’s anti-apparition wards be damned. 

“That’s a- good observation, actually. I had been thinking the same thing, as it were, so I might’ve, you know, used, er- might’ve cast a bunch of glamours to make me look like- circus,” Lily coughed on this last word. 

“Sorry, look like who?” Remus prompted.

“Sirius, okay?” Lily choked out. 

Sirius looked rather indignant at this, causing Remus and Lily to fall into a bout of laughter, and after a few seconds, he couldn’t help but join them. 

As the merriment reached a natural end, Sirius piped up again. “That’s an awful lot of charmwork you would’ve had to do, Evans, to make a convincing me.”

Lily laughed a little more. “I was determined. And it was less than you’d think, actually. Doesn’t take much to convince someone when they’re halfway sloshed. Plus, we have pretty similar cheekbones. It was all in the hair, really. I had considered trying to brew up some Polyjuice, but I hadn’t the patience.”

“All that to get a testimony you can’t use because it incriminates you?” Remus asked. “And you’re betting, what, that somehow Annabelle’s mum is going to know less about Runes than us on this most recent assignment, just because Annabelle can’t check out a book from the library that Mrs. Callaway probably owns?”

“No, I’m betting that Annabelle won’t be getting the completed assignment back until Tuesday morning.”

“Babbling changed the due date to Monday,” Remus said, raising his eyebrows. 

Sirius mumbled something, looking down at his lap, but Lily didn’t seem to notice. 

“Mhm. But Callaway fell asleep in class last week, trying to nap away her hangover, remember? And when she woke up, she had to ask me what she missed because none of her friends are in Runes with her. You know, she always pals around with the seventh years these days, probably because all her roommates are sick of her. Anyway, I told her she hadn’t missed anything important.”

“So she still thinks it’s due Tuesday,” Remus clarified. “And Babbling has no tolerance for late assignments. How unfortunate.”

Lily nodded. “Yes, but I’m not without mercy, of course. I’ll complain to her about the date change Sunday night, when it’s too late to get an owl out in time, and she should have just enough time to cram something out that’s … indicative of her skill level.”

“You know, Lilyblossom-” Sirius began. 

“Don’t call me that.”

“Lilyflower, I think our James might be right about you. You really are perfect for each other. You’re equally devious and obsessed with overly complicated schemes.”

Lily’s cheeks flushed slightly. “Piss off, Black. Potter would’ve never pulled something like this off. Takes too much finesse.”

“You’re probably right about that,” Sirius admitted. “But you know what? I think you might have forgotten one last thing you could thwart fair Annabelle in.”

“Oh, do tell,” came Lily’s sardonic reply. 

Sirius bit his lip in mock concentration. “Well, you made it seem like she was awfully smug over the idea of James asking her to the Yule Ball,” he said slowly. 

Remus felt a kick at his foot under the table again. He took a second to glare at Sirius, who merely winked before looking down at his lap again. 

“Irritatingly smug, I’m sure,” Remus added quickly as everything began to click into place in his head. 

Lily nodded. “Yeah, that’s pretty much how she always is.”

Remus smiled in spite of himself, enjoying being in on the game. “The kicker is though, we really think James might ask her. Finally has it through his head that you’re not interested, I guess.”

Lily frowned, making a humming sound that likely sounded less pensive and more indignant than she’d intended.

“But it would be poetic justice, in a way, if Callaway was wrong, don’t you think?” Sirius mused, voice light. 

“I do love poetry,” Remus smiled. “And justice, too. Don’t you, Lily?”

“What exactly are you suggesting?” Lily asked tentatively. 

“Oh, well I’m just thinking that if James thought there was any chance in the world that he could go with you to the ball, or even have, say, one dance with you…” Sirius shook his head. “No, no, you’ve made it clear you’re not interested.”

“What, Black?”

Remus piped in here. “I think what he’s trying to say, is that if you could find it in yourself to promise James one, single dance, he wouldn’t so much as think about escorting Callaway to the Hog’s Head, let alone the Yule Ball. But of course, that’s only hypothetical  
nonsense,” Remus finished, biting back a smile. 

Remus turned to look towards the entrance in an attempt to hide his face from Lily. Several students were sliding in for breakfast, including Regulus Black, his usually cohorts, a gaggle of bleary-eyed Hufflepuffs, and behind them, a mop of dark, messy hair Remus could only just make out. 

“Complete pish, really. I mean you’re right, Evans. Our Jamie is a bit of an arrogant toerag, as you like to say. No point in forcing yourself to tolerate him for something as silly as a revenge plot,” Sirius said, voice solemn. 

“I mean, I thought he’d actually gotten a little better since last year,” Lily started, cheeks flushing again. “Nowhere to go but up, really.”

“You’d be surprised,” Remus deadpanned. 

“Evans, you don’t have to lie. I’m sorry I even brought it up,” Sirius insisted, moving to hand Lily her books back. 

He glanced just past Remus’s shoulder, a wolfish smile on his face. 

“No! I’d like to dance with Potter, really,” Lily protested. 

“Well, blimey, Evans, all you had to do was ask,” came James Potter’s voice from just behind Remus. 

Lily jumped up, spinning to look at James, face flushing. “How on earth did you-” she cut herself off. 

James laughed. “Magic,” he said, wiggling his fingers a little. 

Remus looked at Sirius, his face questioning. “Really, how?” he asked, voice low. 

Sirius smiled sagely. “Oh, call it killer intuition and a bit of help,” he whispered, and Remus just caught the flash of a mirror in Sirius’s hand. 

James’s voice called their attention back to him. “Lily Evans,” he proclaimed, attracting the gaze of most everyone in the hall. He fell onto one knee. “Would you go to the Yule Ball with me?” With a flourish, James transfigured one of the napkins on the Gryffindor table to a rose and held it out to Lily. 

Lily’s shoulders were shaking with laughter, a smile wide on her face. “Oh, to hell with it all. Yes,” she said, taking the rose in one hand and pulling James up to stand with the other. 

Sirius and Remus cheered loudly, and the rest of the Hall, save Annabelle Callaway, erupted in tremendous noise: applause, booing, and everything in between. For only a third of the school being present, the decibel level was truly extraordinary, perhaps because Remus had cast a modified sonorous charm. 

Across the castle, Peter Pettigrew woke at the sudden noise. He groaned and resigned himself to starting the day.

+++

In the end, the Yule Ball went just as you might expect. Lily and James did go together, making a striking couple in their coordinated navy dress robes (although the couple of the night was Frank and Alice, no doubt about it). To James’s disappointment, there was no mistletoe to be had, but he did get a kiss on the cheek at the end of the evening which he wouldn’t stop gushing about for a week.

Sirius didn’t bring a date, electing instead to spend half his time with Remus munching on petit fours and drinking punch and the other half dancing the night away, Marlene McKinnon in tow. To the delight of the entire student body, Sirius danced a song with just about anyone who asked, though he was just as happy, if not happier, to go solo near the punch bowl and make Remus and Peter laugh with the few new Muggle moves he’d learned. 

Remus, as James had predicted, was happy as a clam with his petit fours and of course very appreciative of the spectacle that was Sirius Black in formal attire. He was in the traditional white shirt and black outer robe, but had opted for leather trousers and had managed to add some studs to his sleeves, though Remus had no idea where he would have learned to do such a thing. Remus did get cajoled into a bit of dancing, of course. Sirius tried to waltz with him, which was an awful decision from all parties, and Remus tripped on the hem of his own robe, cursing his father’s long legs and his own lack of foresight to hem his hand-me-downs. Although, Sirius caught Remus rather heroically, so it wasn’t a complete loss. From then on, Remus stuck to swaying on beat and occasionally shoulder-shimmying with Lily, James, Peter, and even, for a minute or two, with Mary MacDonald who, much to Remus’s relief, had asked for a dance during a disco song rather than a slower romantic one. 

Peter, to everyone’s surprise, had brought a date, Florence Hess. She was thoroughly impressed with the work James and Peter had put into the tailoring charms on Peter’s robes, claiming she wouldn’t have noticed the tuxedo ruffle and scarlet silk accents weren’t professionally made if Peter hadn’t brought her attention to them, much to Peter’s delight. Peter was raised a polite boy; he very much enjoyed pulling Florence’s chair out for her, offering her his arm as they walked, and placing his coat on her shoulders when they took a turn about the balcony. By the end of the evening, Peter felt confident Florence would agree to a Hogsmeade outing, if not a proper date. 

Of course, there were the usual complaints: the music was rubbish, the decorations tacky, the dance floor too crowded, the punch not spiked enough, etc. It was an absolutely ordinary school dance, and with the war on the horizon and exams just behind them, it was exactly what the students needed.


End file.
